Tuesday

Today is my daughter Katherine's 36th birthday.  She has been no contact for many years, she left home and went to Western Australia when she was 17.  I have no idea why she won't talk to us and at this stage I really don't care.  She is, or was, a very opinionated person and truly believed she was above everyone else.  The price we pay for trying to instill confidence in our children, and praising them for their achievements.  I just try not to think about it, I'm good at that these days.  Beating myself up and blaming myself for invisible flaws and slights achieves nothing.

Phill has been away since Saturday and it's been lovely to have some peace and privacy.  He comes back today unfortunately.  I want to go out, out of this house for a break from the cats who are driving me up the wall.  I love them dearly but sometimes it gets too much, especially with an old cat who thinks the laundry floor is his toilet.  He can get into the litter trays, the sides are not high and I've seen him do it when he wants to.  Every morning I am greeted with a mess to clean up.  Last night I put down newspapers so it was relatively easy to clean it up and just mop the floor.  He is about 14 and came from a farm that had hundreds of cats so I daresay he was inbred, but he just keeps on, he'll outlive us all I reckon.  Once these cats are gone, the younger ones are only three years old, and the bird who can't last much longer, there will be no more pets for us.  We are too old now and they are so restrictive regarding us going away.  We have a lovely cat lady who comes to feed them etc but she isn't getting any younger either.

The bridge over the railway was closed on Friday night and it's all systems go there now as they prepare to pull it down over the weekend.  There are cars and trucks everywhere out there, in front of our house, in the carpark at the rest area across the road and all around their work site.  It doesn't bother me, I actually like to have them all there.  Even the noise is okay, better than what comes from Old Yeller and her co horts.   

And the Noise Goes On

Our next door neighbours have lived there for about three years and for the whole time they have been very, very noisy.  Firstly there were two girls sharing, I think they had little kids, I know the one who is still there (noisily) has a little boy.  One of the girls moved out, she probably went deaf I don't know, I'm not a doctor.  Then, and I shall call her "Old Yeller", moved her parents in.  Father parked his caravan right in front of our side fence on the access road which blocked our vision across the street to the train line. She then proceeded to have, very loud, fights with the father, who was also a yeller.  I think they had the mother in a cupboard or something because we never saw or heard from her except for once when they asked if they could have some oranges off our tree for her which we willingly gave and told them they could take what they wanted as it is against their fence.  One memorable night she had a huge blow up with the father and threw all his stuff out on the front yard.  He decamped but seemed to come back intermittently.  I have tried to be kind, patient and tolerant but last night they were at it until at least 1am when I finally fell asleep (Phill is away).  I have contacted their dodgy real estate (they rent) who didn't give a rats.  This particular real estate used to rent us houses without telling us they were for sale and then turf us out.  Rumours of nefarious dealings there but that's another story. (We didn't buy our house through them).  

They seem to have dogs (lots of them barking through the night last night but it's not their fault).  And Old Yeller screams at them and probably kicks them but we have no proof of that, poor little things.

So tomorrow I will start getting the ball rolling by phoning the council and finding out what I can do.  This is not a police matter as they no longer play loud music all night (they have done that but we never called the police) and it's an ongoing problem, also the cops have way better things to do.  If we were renting we were entitled to "quiet enjoyment" of our home according to the terms of our lease but I guess as homeowners we don't have that right.  I am keeping a written record of the disturbances and if I have to I will record them.  I really don't want to be THAT neighbour but this is just getting out of hand.  

Thursday

Mrs Jessup (not his real name) the old pervert next door just came over to ask if we could feed his cat while he goes to Sydney for an appointment. We asked him to water our outside plants when we went on our cruise, he said he would but he didn't, our cat lady did it for us bless her, we paid her extra when we got back. If it wasn't a cat I'd tell him to shove it. I was listening to the conversation through the ring doorbell. He told Phill where the key was and just had to say there wasn't anything worth stealing in his crappy little houso bedsit. What??? At least I can have a few days of him not watching out his window every time I go out into the back yard. Also Phill can go feed the cat, I'll hose him down when he comes back before he comes into the house.

The weather is warming up slowly, as it does every year, then BOOM we get the hot weather overnight it seems. I am reluctant to buy our Summer vegie seedlings for the garden, I am doing eggplant, zucchini, tomatoes and corn. I let the garden lie fallow for most of Winter. Raked through some compost and I will go out and dig it again in readiness for our Summer crops.

The railway bridge (80 years old) which is spitting distance from our house (I don't spit) is being demolished to build a new one to accommodate higher trains. Or something. Most of the town is not happy about it, I could care less, there is nothing I can do about it. However a lady came to our door yesterday offering us either three nights in a motel, because of the noise of them pulling down the old bridge, or a voucher for something or other. Obviously I chose the motel option, hopefully the bathroom guy who has a LOT of our money will be here during that time.

Musings

 Trying to make this new blog has been like pulling teeth, it never used to be this hard but here I am.  Again.  

I have missed blogging, which I did for many years but had to shut it down due to people who had access to it who weren't interested in interacting and did not have my best interests at heart (family).  This is also why I keep my Facebook security settings so tight.  I have lost a couple of FB friends in the past couple of years and I miss them, they were the ones who would actually interact with me, usually daily.

It's been an interesting five or six years or so.  After all the drama with youngest daughter, I will be detailing that in later posts, we were finally rid of her and got out of that godawful town and finally bought our own home here in Junee.  My mother died shortly before we moved and my sisters, one in particular, really did the dirty on me.  They cleared out her house before she died, without telling me, and took/sold all her things, some of which I wanted.  Nothing of value except sentimentally.  I lived with Mum the most recently, when I was pregnant in 1989 and I would have liked some of the things from the house, like the crochet rugs I made for Mum and my step father, and some cookware and other things that I remember from my childhood.  My oldest sister is a hoarder and I heard that most of what wasn't disposed of, is in her garage (she lives in housing commission in a dodgy area).  Awful sisters put Mum in various nursing homes but refused to tell me where she was.  I only found out when I made my usual Sunday phone call to Mum that received no answer so I rang the sister who told me she had been put into care.  

When she died they got one of my nieces to call me instead of them, said niece is a drug addict and I certainly didn't want her to have my phone number. They didn't even bother to tell my brother, the baby who Mum gave away back in the 40's who we only found in 2017, I rang him as soon as I found out.  

These are the sisters who tried to tell me that my step father was my bio father.  He was a friend and colleague of my dad years ago but there is no chance that he and Mum got together before my father died.  How cruel.  I didn't tell Mum but I did tell my step dad and he was as disgusted as I was.  Horrible people. 

It's been five years since my mother died and I am still struggling with the circumstances that surrounded it.  I did not attend her funeral and will never have contact with any of my family ever again.  The peace I feel from that knowledge is wonderful.  I was judged by them all my life.  In the case of the older one I believe it was jealousy, and the other one has always had control issues, one of her sons' wife left my nephew in part because of the mother in law interference.  

So here I am, about to turn 66, and happy and at peace mostly.  I have suffered from mental health issues since childhood and was medicated for many years.  Developed an alcohol problem which caused me so many dramas, I have been in psych units and even prison (thanks to the youngest daughter who lied to police).  I have now been off the meds for almost a year and only drink socially now and my health is improving.  

Growing up, as the youngest of five children, I was made to feel that I couldn't do anything, my father actually called me useless which never left me and I believed that I was.  So many stupid decisions and mistakes in my adult life.  Then I married a bully who constantly criticised me, would not let me discipline our children, (by taking things away from them etc, never physical punishment) and we suffered the fallout from that.  Recently I have been standing up to him and calling him out on his nonsense.  And like all bullies, who are emotional cowards and insecure in themselves, he is backing down.  He really is an idiot and the typical man child but I am dealing with it in a way I never did.  I won't leave as we only have this house because of the money I was left in mum's will, which Dad worked hard for all his life.  We would never have owned a home but for that.  

So venting has felt good, I won't always be writing negativity, my blog will hopefully be upbeat and more about my day to day life.

I am feeling happier and more comfortable in my own skin than I have in many years and I did it all myself.  I learned from experience that there is no real outside help for mental and substance abuse issues, that I needed to do the work myself and I have, and I am, and will continue to do so.  Better late than never.